The world is such a strange, ever changing place. It’s dark and terrifying and most of the time you just want to run and hide- at least I know I do. For the past five months I have been ever moving, ever on the go trying not to stop too long and think about my mistakes- try not to think about how much I’ve missed you. I have felt so lost. Sure the time I have had has presented me with new friends and opportunities, but more so has the time presented me with more confusion, anger, and devastation. No matter how far and wide I looked, no one could compare to you. I would look at a new face and see your jaw line or your eyes- and not just in guys but girls to. I would see a girl with beautiful eyelashes or soft lips and immediately revert to seeing your face. Hell, I even saw someone with your feet. Just walking into stores that we had been together made me weak at the knees… I could feel your essence in the places from our past. I tried as hard as possible not to even cross over into the Port Orange limits because just thinking of running into you or seeing you in your jeep gave me a heart attack. No matter who I met or where I traveled you were always there in the front of my mind. I say the front of my mind because in all reality I didn’t try to hard when it came to “forgetting” you. If I started to think about you I would allow my mind to wander up until my eyes began to moisten or my lip began to quiver, that’s when I thought I might have looked to pathetic and tried to push you away. I tried to hang on to hope that “we” were still possible, even against such high odds stacked against me. I let you go and I can never forgive myself for that. Things have happened now that cannot be changed and I understand that. I thought I couldn’t get over some of these hurdles but just seeing you again; feeling your affection and not your guilt has wiped my slate clean. For the past five months I have been riding on street tires through the mud, but suddenly it like I’m riding on all- terrains. It’s all because of you. You make my troubles melt away and for the past few weeks I have felt reborn. I know I can handle anything, I have become stronger and you only add to that. When you were gone, you took a part of me with you and it’s like now that your back I feel whole again. I will do anything I can to prove how devoted I am to you. Hard, confusing times are ahead but I want to be there for you through them all. I don’t care what has happened in the past five months, all I care about is making you feel loved, treating you the way you deserved to be treated. You are an amazing man and you’re going to be an amazing father. You are strong and so smart and I know you’ll never have to want for anything because you’re such a hard worker and you have such a strong, wonderful family to cheer you on. In the end I can only hope and pray that I deserve a man like you. I will help you shoulder your burdens dear Atlas. I pray you do not forget that.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Dearest Atlas....
The world is on your shoulders- I know you're dying for a rest.
The world is such a strange, ever changing place. It’s dark and terrifying and most of the time you just want to run and hide- at least I know I do. For the past five months I have been ever moving, ever on the go trying not to stop too long and think about my mistakes- try not to think about how much I’ve missed you. I have felt so lost. Sure the time I have had has presented me with new friends and opportunities, but more so has the time presented me with more confusion, anger, and devastation. No matter how far and wide I looked, no one could compare to you. I would look at a new face and see your jaw line or your eyes- and not just in guys but girls to. I would see a girl with beautiful eyelashes or soft lips and immediately revert to seeing your face. Hell, I even saw someone with your feet. Just walking into stores that we had been together made me weak at the knees… I could feel your essence in the places from our past. I tried as hard as possible not to even cross over into the Port Orange limits because just thinking of running into you or seeing you in your jeep gave me a heart attack. No matter who I met or where I traveled you were always there in the front of my mind. I say the front of my mind because in all reality I didn’t try to hard when it came to “forgetting” you. If I started to think about you I would allow my mind to wander up until my eyes began to moisten or my lip began to quiver, that’s when I thought I might have looked to pathetic and tried to push you away. I tried to hang on to hope that “we” were still possible, even against such high odds stacked against me. I let you go and I can never forgive myself for that. Things have happened now that cannot be changed and I understand that. I thought I couldn’t get over some of these hurdles but just seeing you again; feeling your affection and not your guilt has wiped my slate clean. For the past five months I have been riding on street tires through the mud, but suddenly it like I’m riding on all- terrains. It’s all because of you. You make my troubles melt away and for the past few weeks I have felt reborn. I know I can handle anything, I have become stronger and you only add to that. When you were gone, you took a part of me with you and it’s like now that your back I feel whole again. I will do anything I can to prove how devoted I am to you. Hard, confusing times are ahead but I want to be there for you through them all. I don’t care what has happened in the past five months, all I care about is making you feel loved, treating you the way you deserved to be treated. You are an amazing man and you’re going to be an amazing father. You are strong and so smart and I know you’ll never have to want for anything because you’re such a hard worker and you have such a strong, wonderful family to cheer you on. In the end I can only hope and pray that I deserve a man like you. I will help you shoulder your burdens dear Atlas. I pray you do not forget that.
The world is such a strange, ever changing place. It’s dark and terrifying and most of the time you just want to run and hide- at least I know I do. For the past five months I have been ever moving, ever on the go trying not to stop too long and think about my mistakes- try not to think about how much I’ve missed you. I have felt so lost. Sure the time I have had has presented me with new friends and opportunities, but more so has the time presented me with more confusion, anger, and devastation. No matter how far and wide I looked, no one could compare to you. I would look at a new face and see your jaw line or your eyes- and not just in guys but girls to. I would see a girl with beautiful eyelashes or soft lips and immediately revert to seeing your face. Hell, I even saw someone with your feet. Just walking into stores that we had been together made me weak at the knees… I could feel your essence in the places from our past. I tried as hard as possible not to even cross over into the Port Orange limits because just thinking of running into you or seeing you in your jeep gave me a heart attack. No matter who I met or where I traveled you were always there in the front of my mind. I say the front of my mind because in all reality I didn’t try to hard when it came to “forgetting” you. If I started to think about you I would allow my mind to wander up until my eyes began to moisten or my lip began to quiver, that’s when I thought I might have looked to pathetic and tried to push you away. I tried to hang on to hope that “we” were still possible, even against such high odds stacked against me. I let you go and I can never forgive myself for that. Things have happened now that cannot be changed and I understand that. I thought I couldn’t get over some of these hurdles but just seeing you again; feeling your affection and not your guilt has wiped my slate clean. For the past five months I have been riding on street tires through the mud, but suddenly it like I’m riding on all- terrains. It’s all because of you. You make my troubles melt away and for the past few weeks I have felt reborn. I know I can handle anything, I have become stronger and you only add to that. When you were gone, you took a part of me with you and it’s like now that your back I feel whole again. I will do anything I can to prove how devoted I am to you. Hard, confusing times are ahead but I want to be there for you through them all. I don’t care what has happened in the past five months, all I care about is making you feel loved, treating you the way you deserved to be treated. You are an amazing man and you’re going to be an amazing father. You are strong and so smart and I know you’ll never have to want for anything because you’re such a hard worker and you have such a strong, wonderful family to cheer you on. In the end I can only hope and pray that I deserve a man like you. I will help you shoulder your burdens dear Atlas. I pray you do not forget that.
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Amazing post and very interesting stuff you got here! I definitely learned a lot from reading through some of your earlier posts as well and decided to drop a comment on this one!
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I am impressed. I wished I could write such serious stuff. Personally, I am pretty limited to all things comedic. You are gifted and lucky.
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